Missing.

I have been asking to myself . Am I doing the right thing to everyone? To everything . Am my being truthful and do I trust myself to do something ? I couldn't effort getting a best friend anymore. They just come and leave. I wish that was back there. Maybe being a nerdy who hug the book everywhere she goes, who wear a big glasses and who focus a lot on reality. There's too much fakes and you don't know what to even understand and believe anymore. Because you feel so lonely. But lonely gives you time to make your time with God. Ohh. I don't know why I feel this way. Being lied and not trusted anymore. I wish I could go back and start over my life. Delete every scars and start over with fresh heart. But no. This is why we are here. It was already written and we just act it out I guess. I couldn't go back begging to be back when I was the one who leave. This was one of the biggest problem and an asdfghjkl you have to deal with when you have someone you 'dislike' that you meet everyday. These things go back where I walk through the hallway by myself. I would be calm because God is there to be my listener but is it that I can't feel it or I always think someone needs to see me like this. So tell me how do you deal with it when all your friends have someone to tell everything to, love with, and just do anything together that make you smile again. Where is me in that part? Am I drifting away.....

I should not make myself remember all that is past. I should be moving on. MOVE ON. For me it is seriously not easy when he was the one that love me back and I put him away because.... I was SCARED. If you could understand. I am Ms. Cautious who always be cautious almost like everyday and every second.

Ya Allah, I am a weak creation of you with not so much knowledge of getting through this cruel world. Give me some spirit to bring back your greatness :')

I swear I don't know why is it so hard this time for me to leave someone who is careless and reckless. again. Is it that they always leave me and not me and because it is my first time that the love is still endless? I don't really wanna say that I want him back. Never. Go ahead be one of my friend who said that I should move on but doesn't let me no anymore what her/his opinion is.....