There no one who fits

You stab me like hundreds of time inside but do you see that piece on the corner of my mouth? I can still smile :)

Words cannot express how disappointed i am for having sucha ugh . Confuse from  A to Z of best friend who is at the same time is your crush ? It is really complicated . YES You can smell those roses at the beginning but as one of the teacher have said , you are not gonna walk by roses forever ? There will the end of it isnt it ? So there is no happy ever after right or you could call no ups and downs? And misunderstood? Ohhgreat. Right now It feels like you are laying on beds of flowers but when you wake up from it , you just fell from your own beds with not-so-comfy bed. 

" Being friends with boys are less drama" Shit can I prove this wrong ? This is my second time having guy best friend . Like wow ~  I s i t m y f a u l t t o have those kind of feeling toward the opposite gender ? Evn my own girl best friend told me boys and girls have problems. to the girls, when you care too much about them , it sounds like you are desperate a n d the boy will think that the girl likes him . While to the boys, when you care too much about a girl and always talk to her -> this is what happen , you think he likes you ~! And this is what happen he in my case. But this is true . It's not a dream . It seems like we are hitting on each other like owwww ~ haa 

If you are use to talk to the person you like FACE TO FACE  I really salute you evn though I have done this myself to aka (dear stalker you must remember !) Gaara, occupied person or haha yeahh remember now ? I miss that short dude lol . And so did this person did to me like nothing really block you from saying it to me  ( i still didnt name "him") 

It feels like we are almost getting together and trust me No we are not ! Believe or not. I nvr been too close to any guy like this before. From the start, I already felt weird and kinda okayy with it and believing that it wont happen again . This time it feels like really really weird because them it feels like damn baby you nail it for not liking anyone for sooo long hahaha

You couldnt imagine how so called best friend are we (or maybe you are use to it so yeah I am kind of old school ) being too close and I cant even think if what I am doing is what I am doing or it's just a dream . Best friend and crush at the same time ? It's not impossible you know ? 

*Beep -beep - beep * Tell ya the good part soon . I have to release some really good words here ! 

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Fudge you ! Go die ! 

Everything you touch it only dive , everything you do goes wrong ! Shit ~ This really feel fukcing great when two of your love ones are in deep sadness so suddenly and it affected your happy go lucky mood. It's about two days already I've been feeling  like this . I dont know why but it really smells fishy around there. Great . My mood together with my feelings is rolling like that strong waves on the blue ocean you can imgaine rolling? A girl and a boy. My best friend. It feel really great when both of them attack me like a cannon ball with words that cut me deep .

I hope you can understand my situation right here when you are chatting with you crush and at the same time with your best friend got this bigger problem where every words you use is for comforting her but let seee. she took everything is the opposite . Ugh I am holding my tears, sucking it up *Fuhh I am okay :) 

At the end, both of them just not understanding this  . I am confuse , I am the most complicated! Humans cannot understand other human's heart . If I am brave to say what's contain here *tap my chest on the left side* It is only the created me. They leave my side and it sounds like everything is my fault . Can you say it's my fault when the real person is not sure how she or he feels like really ~ I may not be smart but at least dont be selfish and try to tell someone to be in your shoes. I tried to tell what i felt but it seems like the words I swallowed back . I can hear those voice blaming . 

I dont know how to relieve her and so does him....
woow they really match together you know . I am tired and i've tried to understand them but they put back the fire. Frustration . It's really back now. I can leave any of them aside . And tonight I sleep in tears where I dont know what i need to do next when I have apologize again . 

I just couldnt accept the way that this guy giving those words. It kills me inside . Like ohh *flying kisses* Blame me for everything . For knowing you, for having the mood tonight ruin , for your plan to turn into disaster . i am really glad you feel "satisfied" with your words when you are not evn trying to ask me what's happening. Every each of us needed a listener but it seems it really doesnt fit for a human to be a listener including me :) 

Someone already kill the spirit of the daring me . No more brave me inside . Thankyou . And look ohh I am just fine . You dont have to come to for apologize later because i will start it again . Like please :) Kill me with words  like this any after that end up with loving . huuu like wow !