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Ohh sorry commercial break right now for awhile , cause I dont know how to keep it anymore . Mind it or drag your mouse or your finger tips on the corner and tada ~ you close it :)

Let feel the pain together dear

Haaaaaaa asdfghjkl zxcvbnm qwertyuiop. I dont know how you are going to help me now , urggh . dear blog :/ you are always there for me ( even Allah is there ;'))

Heyy ! I just dont know anymore either it's a good or a bad thing to not being to good to talk to boys. I d k if this year im ruining myself or my own heart for making boys to be unstoppable chatting with me . No ! No ! Why can I speak it out loud. I dont know what i want . seriously ~The moment when you want to really love someone and feeling it and suddenly you feel something wrong. Something's telling me it's a wrong thing . Not a wrong person but... this *hands on the heart* it wants to be heal not by words nor love from someone else but from herself. Haih ~

I keep on having so many fight with my own ha um best friend ? Ha waklah bla darwawrg.  haha. no more crush but I still love him like i want him . And at the same time i want to avoid him . I keep wondering, am I commiting a sin for having a best friend that's a boy? If you were that person that I talk to every day , dont you feel like you are being too over? Ya Allah, couldnt you realize i m not sucha a girl who hang out a lot with boys. Yes , a loner. hahahahahahahahhahaha laugh all you want or... nvrmind ! but, I really nvr been feeling in a situation where a guy really care about me. Sincerely saying it. Type this. Sheet. I got a NO PLACE TO SAY THIS. With ex ? haha take that as past ._.

I loved him. I did. I didnt evn force myself to love him. But I love him. At the same time.... Im trying to avoid myself being the worse. I might get caught maybe by my parents after putting myself in an unexpected thing that a girl like me should be doing *Astagfirullah*

That incident was playing in my head like a tape. It's hurt both of my beloved one and from there all i want was to break the friendship tie. Why? Because I wish I can go back to my life. Where I really hate even if the boys open their mouth. 

For the time being, I just dont know what I want anymore. I am just mean. Mean . M to the E to the A to the N N N . Ugh. But when he. Yes he. Just being friendly with someone else , this little feeling or maybe major come like I am with him or something. Another Sheetttt. That's why I feel like I should stop talking to him . Yea we did had a lot of fight.... A lot ! Until I couldnt evn bear to talk about it anymore. Love just ruin me right now. It was suppose to be beautiful as my latest post regarding "What is Love?" hahahahahah that's funny now ~

But when I care about someone , I really care about them....but then... I lose myself. Like now....