Trials of unfortunate events

Hey fwen! Assalamualaikum. So it has been a while since I have been too busy with life (how this world had made life so out of place) As you can see, I didn’t get to fulfill my aim in blogging AT LEAST once a month because life has really really been so busy for me and sometimes I really tot I have feel out of place. So briefly speaking I just finished my final for the two last fundamental papers and going for professional papers next sem ( please pray for me so that I passed >.<) Alhamdulillah. I dunno how to feel after answering the papers because I think I wasn’t all out for my studies. There were a lot and yes a lot of pressure from all sides mostly the mix feelings, my emotions, the tests and all the things that been happening for me throughout last month was really collapsing me together and as I tot maybe Allah was trying to forgive my sins I guess. So slowly and hopefully I am able to finish telling what have been happening to me throughout this almost ending year.

Firstly, I would like to say that I am fully pressured for the past two weeks. I was not okay and literally I was not able to explain how I feel in words and saying what I meant would not even make people understand. and i know, i know and i know that ive been babbling a lot of things in twitter because i dont seems to realise that. Seems like I am having identity crisis once more and all together I was demotivated about finishing my two last papers for the same. The whole two weeks felt like I was being tortured mentally. 

                  Okay so here we go. I think because i havent been blogging so long or maybe i havent been appreciating the meaning of ayah in al Quran, i wasnt able to express my feeling so well except with crying. I felt like a living corpse. Because i was so tired by the things i volunteerily join and still am. This job wasn't even being told or is not even necessary for me but it is for the society and because of this job, i meant to release each and every human in my country from the obligation for not doing. Right now, i am not ranting because i've join this group but it's mostly where i learn and realise my mistakes because afterall, you need to know why you choose such and such and still in the group even though it look worthless in the eyes of humans. 

For the second last month in the year, for the first time in my life, i was being a part of a big project and the main crew in the help to launch a program for the youngster to understand their purpose of life plus with the history itself. It is really a big thing and it is something you have to follow up since we had given the understanding to them. For me, it is more towards building my soft skills because the input from the program, we should have already 'master' it but it should be something top us up as someone who already follow this tarbiyyah for so long.

        During the program, i was one of the person in charge in technical parts and Wallahi it have been consuming my energy more than playing for sports. But this tired is tired that give satisfaction. It is something not all will feel. I really hope that i really renewed my niat everytime because i feel like breakdown once and every time. Tbh, ive been thinking about my final which is around the corner. I couldnt put it aside even once. i hope for all the things im doing that moment, Allah count it and it really teaches me how to be sincere with all that im doing that time. There is so much things i was thinking at once, my hypertension was on the top but I manage to settle one by one of my anxiety until i tot of.....what if....what if i wasnt able to pass for my paper this semester. because it seems like ive putting my focus elsewhere than one of my target in entering Uni itself. 

          Being in the program, it put so much sabr in me for not going crazy :'D and im proud that i become apart of this because i never been handling any program before and being the back stage crew. i think my anxiety increased but i always remember Allah is there me. Moreover, just come to realise that we didnt reach our murabbi expectation and we are not 'mature' enough to handle things on our own yet. so, there are still long way to go.

         Overall it was fine and capable of handling things even though i felt blamed for things that out of my control but at the end all of this were meant to improve ourselves. Putting that aside, a week before the D-day, my usrah was given a car for our "training for trainers". this is because we had to go to Sentul just for the discussion and back for our daily classes( ps i dont but my friends do). It was really putting a burden for others because we had no transport and we had to handle it by ourselves eversince we got tarbiyyah. Luckily, given the car for us four, at least it helped us. This was not stressful actually, it was an experience and to be going for something that may Allah bless us, it was a precious thing to remember. It would be my first time being a driver in the city of Kuala Lumpur during peak hours xD Fortunately, we safely arrived and home. 

       

            Here is what adds up to the shallow water when i accidentally bumped into someone else's car one morning....This was really a few days before my finals and my emotions was out of place but i tend to ignore it but going home it just sums up with the feeling of guilty. That day it was an early morning from Sentul to Shah alam a night after our post mortem for the program. To be honest, i really didnt want to go because the time is already limited and im already nervous for my exam. My heart was really heavy for that day plus my mom was telling me not to but i had to since this was an important part for the program. And thennnnnnn, it was after Fajr , i dunno if i was feeling okay but my friend let me drive because she got class after that so she wanted to rest. on the way, we were already taking a longer route and the car was already making some noises that made me worried but it was okay after we stop for awhile. 

                      The incident happen right and ALMOST  our way already reaching shah alam really really like at the 3rd exit from the highway! the bump was really really slightly not so close. I didnt blame anyone because it was really my mistake from thinking that the car in front of me had pass the roundabout and it was my turn because i was too focus on looking at the right side and i didnt look in front. My friend wud have warn me but yeah maybe she wasnt use to driving yet xD so there i am wasting my whole freaking morning at the police station while there was no defected area on the my car but a huge effect on other car( but literally we were not sure if it was wholly cause by me) well yeah, i was already persuading the chinese auntie that i was a student and this wasnt my car. but there was more than a scratch at the bumped areas on her bonnet so she wanted to claim for it. so, yup i was fine for $300. it was my murabbi's car. she was calm about the car and also the incident. she also had contact the opposer and it seems that she know a lot more about the claim and there were a little bit issue regarding how much it goes to repair and also to claim insurance by it :( i feel so bad that time because my murabbi just had an accident recently and she had to used her insurance and im such a pain huhu. Anyway, now im trying to figure out when i can pay my fine here in my hometown huhu. Just pray for me so that i dont miss out the dead line huhu 

       So i guess that about it and the other half will be in the next post. Stay tune ;)