RMO Reflection

So hey Assalamualaikum! how is your Ramadhan going? it's almost at the end of this holy month, what have you achieved? ;) Wallahi for me i felt really demotivated and may Allah help me up again. I have been on periodt twice now and i guess i have not taken advantages during my fasting duration and i have e huge hugeeee hugeeeee regret.

I dunno studying and making good deeds at home is really tough for me. I've been like a normal person with a nafs and no define feeling of my amal as if i never join for tarbiyah before. How bad can you see it. It was already really hard for me to stay awake even though i achieved "staying up after fajr" goal but it was not enough to exclude my sleeping part. I tried once to sleep early, and it still doesnt work for me to pray tahajud :((( Ya Rabb forgive me huhuh. I dunno what kind of comfort zone im being in but i doesnt seem to wake up from it. I'm having my midsem from the virtual class but this has also drift me away from studies that i felt very very hard to even start studying like i use too. to be soo hard working on a thing. It just doesn't work for me.

I haven't been making some exact doa for myself and other too. How bad i am. I have wish to leave my Jahiliah during this Ramadhan but that too was near the edge of the mountain. I seems to be more attracted to it then before and i almost wish this RMO would be lifted so i wudnt be able to get engage in any of the old thing. How bad i am to keep on jumping in the same hole without thinking that it will not be valued in the day of akhirat. May Allah help me finding the way out :)