Moving on.

Sometimes I just started to accept the fact that I dont need a man because of how being independent was supposed to shape me from all this while. That was it. I have been thought to not make people unease my existence. i felt that they cant even help me because or not I will become too depending on human. Deep down I will be clinging to them that actually our life is only on His hand and nothing else is greater.

I was taunted to be sooo negative. Even from my past relationship, I was overthinking that I thought they assume me to be insufficient and unable to be depend on (here is to this sensitive bitch and low self-esteem girl) Right now I have been thinking that I was not even competent as a worker, as a friend and oso as child. I felt very in rage and disparity. I dunno if I ever be able to let go what have been happening. After a series of failure "relationship" that I try out this year and all the friends I had from the previous "circle, I guess I felt very real but at the same time, I have been worse and a lot more worse in feeling lonely and yet I have been searching for things to fill in the void. Is it wrong ya Allah? All I thought is that I cant even contribute so much rather than incapability and finishing the every bits of unable to give back. 

Ya Allah am I this weak? Weak of emotion? Impulsive in flowing my own emotion? Does ranting help in here? I am easily traumatize and backstab. I have been letting myself consumed by work and the surrounding. How can I survive? How do I survive in this cruel world? Can I stop being this negative or it is because of my psychology problem that made me this way? I want to get out of this situation fr. 

Maybe disappearing from social media can help for awhile. Maybe I should do it. 

Maybe I should be more grateful. Maybe I should stop feeling. Maybe I should just ignore everyone. Maybe I should just feel numb. Just like I did before. Why does it feels so hard to let go of this feelings especially it cause you so much pain.