Feelings

Feelings. Feelings are absolutely temporary. Just like world. I choose to ignore my feelings towards small things. but most of the time, i failed. Tbh, I know that He always test me with my weakest point. "Why?" to make it into strength. Possibly, i might have feelings toward the same person again and again but this doesn't tell me that revealing my own feeling would make anything better. At this age, (20 soon) it's already logical that feelings are meant to be tight and brought into something real instead of being 'short term'. How should I conclude this? It's like i want to stay but i dont want? Its seriously the feeling of guilt for doing things that liked by the truth. Oh do I escape from this when my own feelings are stuck with it. The feeling of what He called afraid of humans when we should be afraid Him. The feeling of lost. Lost someone. And there's come if "jodoh adalah". How do people be without feelings towards someone for so long. Um a tips might help? Is this all nafs? because Jiddahadul ala nafs is seriously a big deal :(

Adakah aku mampu utk teruskan hidup dengan dilemma dlm diri utk berubah.  Menjadi umat akhir zaman yang lebih memikirkan jodoh daripada ajal, rezeki daripada akhirat dan harta daripada keperluan fakir. Adakah aku mampu utk menyertai baris daripada hanya melihat kejayaan tercapai. Satu hari nnti.