Looped.
Is this how it feels when u have nothing to chase except the worldly life? This feeling of rage and anger mixed with sadness and concealed.... is it because of my post-trauma respond or all this long i am still in survival mode? I am so tired of everything that sometimes i just wanna drop everything and leave but i cant. With the confusion even with love and warmness, i will be questioned whether it was for me or it was actually written for someone else. Even this life was customized by each of the individual on the earth but why do i doubting myself? Of all those year being in a volunteerism, i am still lost of making my own decisions because i have always been influenced that it always benefiting the party. I have always and always felt that i dont belong in any place that I've went. Wallahi at this point, I didnt even know what i had grown myself into except burying my self-esteem and confidence. I have been feeding this to my brain that sometimes I couldnt get myself up ...
