The downfall (Part2)
It have been almost 4 months i have sat my foot in INTEC Education College. Not a day i would forgot to pray hard to Allah that the feeling of leaving the institution is not real. This is because, again, I wan't opening to many people even if they were my classmates. I always go around alone like a lone ranger 😡😢 but i was positive that i was still adjusting. I put a big smile on my face every new brand day that all the curriculum that i have to study will be tougher and tougher. I keep in mind that this is what i want but was i ready for it? Since I cried a lot, only my sister really known me that much and gave me strength till now. Even my parents. Not to forgot the friends that i actually got since my lower high school and also my special friend.
I was so jealous with people performing and showing progress toward everything like they already have some aims long ago before they even get their SPM result while im trying really hard to manage myself. Of course, i did cry and chatted with my father most often. He always put those words like "you are my strongest daughter" or "slowly dear" that made my tears rolled. haha
This is still CAT or Certified Accountancy Technician where i have to pass 9 papers in a year according to the scholarship i was under. Not most people known about this program and even acquaintance didnt know much about where did i go since i was not that famous or well-known (lol) so, i was really becoming invisible :) almost anywhere.
Anyways, my father go on reminding me that everything is on my own and also time, is very important to be divided equally. He also remind me not to stress out so much because that's what i like to do that almost most of the night, it was hard for me to fall asleep and i would wake up like freaking early that even my housemates felt weird about me. haha
oh i only befriend 'a friend' which is also my classmate. she quite nice since i only knew her. she also said that she could tell if someone can be her friend so why not try but dont trust much right? we only start to talk we asked that we were from the same state and i knew some of the schoolmate that entered my school.
there are many of my cousins and my relative around the area where i studied. some days, i go back with them to their houses so that i could get off some of my tickling home sick feeling if i have it (most of the time it was not home sick, it was just a stressful week to catch up)
Through all this, I know that i have put myself out of my comfort zone and outside my own bubble. last eid break which was only a week, i didnt get to spend my holiday really well because i was thinking about my progress test 2 that's coming up after the break. i also ignored my dad who was home from Saudi Arabia just to be with his family. he saw me being too struggle with the life i am in. he sure dont know what i was actually thinking until i cried so hard a morning before they send me back to my campus. they saw me studying the whole week and i also got myself a bad cold&fever. i couldnt hold myself together until my dad was asking me if i wanted to drop off from my studies and study somewhere else like UUM. So, did my mom who realised that she couldnt cope with my egoism that she burst out about stopping my studies. all i need was a little confident towards what i am doing after i had studied my hardest. I was not studying smart. i was studying hard. i was almost killing myself that one week. They know i was worrying about my scholarship. they know that i was hell scaredy cat afraid if i failed any of the papers and i have to pay the sponsorship back.
i'll end this here, and i would come back soon to talk about my institution. i mean why not? everywhere there is always some supposition :')
I was so jealous with people performing and showing progress toward everything like they already have some aims long ago before they even get their SPM result while im trying really hard to manage myself. Of course, i did cry and chatted with my father most often. He always put those words like "you are my strongest daughter" or "slowly dear" that made my tears rolled. haha
This is still CAT or Certified Accountancy Technician where i have to pass 9 papers in a year according to the scholarship i was under. Not most people known about this program and even acquaintance didnt know much about where did i go since i was not that famous or well-known (lol) so, i was really becoming invisible :) almost anywhere.
Anyways, my father go on reminding me that everything is on my own and also time, is very important to be divided equally. He also remind me not to stress out so much because that's what i like to do that almost most of the night, it was hard for me to fall asleep and i would wake up like freaking early that even my housemates felt weird about me. haha
oh i only befriend 'a friend' which is also my classmate. she quite nice since i only knew her. she also said that she could tell if someone can be her friend so why not try but dont trust much right? we only start to talk we asked that we were from the same state and i knew some of the schoolmate that entered my school.
there are many of my cousins and my relative around the area where i studied. some days, i go back with them to their houses so that i could get off some of my tickling home sick feeling if i have it (most of the time it was not home sick, it was just a stressful week to catch up)
Through all this, I know that i have put myself out of my comfort zone and outside my own bubble. last eid break which was only a week, i didnt get to spend my holiday really well because i was thinking about my progress test 2 that's coming up after the break. i also ignored my dad who was home from Saudi Arabia just to be with his family. he saw me being too struggle with the life i am in. he sure dont know what i was actually thinking until i cried so hard a morning before they send me back to my campus. they saw me studying the whole week and i also got myself a bad cold&fever. i couldnt hold myself together until my dad was asking me if i wanted to drop off from my studies and study somewhere else like UUM. So, did my mom who realised that she couldnt cope with my egoism that she burst out about stopping my studies. all i need was a little confident towards what i am doing after i had studied my hardest. I was not studying smart. i was studying hard. i was almost killing myself that one week. They know i was worrying about my scholarship. they know that i was hell scaredy cat afraid if i failed any of the papers and i have to pay the sponsorship back.
i'll end this here, and i would come back soon to talk about my institution. i mean why not? everywhere there is always some supposition :')
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