Complicated

Hi




Changes? Spaces between changes and humans never been so far. Weather, land, and even the earth rotates and the time is changing from one second to an hour. I couldn't deny that in life changes do exist. From the start i really dislike changes because that is what had broke my heart in the past. That i felt like everything should be the same. Disliking changes make me the worst human being on earth :(

I could tell if you know me, you will hate me directly. I couldn't mind because people especially my mom and my sister had told me the same shooking head can be watched. My mouth won't shut. God. I feel like I should be send away to my dad and not live here with typical Malaysians and around people who I easily trust. I'm use to giving my trust to people. Yeay yeay you can find in me one in million saying the same thing.

Ya Allah I'm begging for your Hidayah. Please provide this sinful servant :')

Now that, the one who is next to me was my friends and my parents and mostly Allah but I couldn't appreciate this deeply and in fullness and I don't know why. My anger over control me and I keep on shouting and winning it for myself that I thought it was right but it's actually not :(

Gladly, I found someone who give me the courage to change. Hijrah. I thought all this long time ago. I might change, i might did my prayer and my salah five times a day complete as I was confident for but there's always something missing right? I'm not perfect as always but whenever I tried, something just feel so wrong. At least I never gave up. People never sees my effort until I just realised that my effort wasn't enough. I was respecting my parents like I'm respecting my teachers. I wasn't doing the good deeds like I was studying the subjects over and over again. Oh how I wish I realise this earlier but someone made me realise and I feel thankful for having that person. I really wish that this person stay because he/she is teaching me a lot about life.