Job Interview
This is impossible. I must not be going to work at the of 16. I should be studying my butt off to stick my head when the SPM is next year. Is it a good thing to do on this school summer holiday?
This morning I just had a bad morning because waking up someone from sleep isn't the favourite thing on the list for me to do. My mom had her al-Quran reading class and she asked me to have a breakfast outside. So, I had to wake up my sister since I was the one who were awake after Fajr. It wasn't until 9 when she woke up and as always, she's having trouble on searching the pieces that she wanna wear. Excuse us, our room or even this house had always been a mess like a store. I was not a piece of shank trying to search for her when she was late and she planned to wear something that it's simple.
Consequently, it was a trigger to my anger but I was able to lock the gate on my own after my sister slammed the car door and sat there and just staring in furious. Leading with that, my mom dropped me to this unknown restaurants because she was fasting and she told us to stay and eat as much as you want while she be gone to her class. But, hey terrible things happens.
I stayed with my sister. I have the money. There was only two freaking shops that were opened. At first, we already stop at the first shop at the last alley which was rousing with many customers and well at least it got roti canai. Suddenly, my visions was cut down when my sister wanted to go to the other shop with less people and less cheerful. There you go, I have to listen. So, I did follow and I don't know what she sees in that shop when the food are all gone. I force myself to eat a little and as she was arguing with me after my two sentences, I got up and leave for my roti canai. I sat quietly after saying my order, I ate twice now. I bought my lunch and waited.
Gladly, my sister called me with my cellphone saying we have to sit somewhere else where mom will pick us up. Oil station it is. She bought a loaf of bread in addition a chocolate bar of black forest for me. It must a try to cheer me up :) Thankyou sis. It'll help just until afternoon. Come on it's boring to talk about this could we go back why my post about job interview? No.
Is it me that's full of ego? I can't smile as usual. It's priceless of course. But Im physically and mentally tired :( I'm screaming in the inside of how I should be treated by someone. I never get things right. Why was i being like this? Always full of anger? Astaghfirullah. Haven't I try to prove to people that i love them? :(
I have been shutting people out my life. Please do understand. I'm mean. What do you mean? I can't see people effort for me? No. it's the whole thing I'm being like this. I had just live in hostel for a year. I have been crying my head out but I've manage to survive? No. I could not make people so confident of changing me. I can't. I'm just full of evil and hatred, Mistakes. Even if you think i'm smart enough no. I'm lack of everything at once. I don't even know if every of my decision is what I want. I speak without thinking. It's so hard. Harder than being heartbroken for years. I had wish that no one. not even a tiny dim of light to change. and to stay like this. until when? i just dont know. I ain't need an engine to move up. It takes slow steps. Stop forcing me. Leave me alone. It seems like I'm talking to someone. Yes I'm deeply in thought. Just as much as the meaning of the word, never. I could never stop overthinking of what my future will be. Being happy is an option.
People is full of desire of wanting me in their life. Ya Allah I should be grateful :(
But deep inside of this full black spotted heart, I was trying to feel hopeful. I can say that people leave me and they felt regret and they will come back. Boy or girl doesn't matter. I could only pray for them to have a better life. This world is cruel.
I'm worse at time management, am I? I don't think so. It's always I have to wait for people. The whole point is waiting. I was late one minute for the job interview. The sky was crying so much while the land is in thirst of water. Allahuma soiyiban nafi'an. I hate making my mom to blame on. She's getting dementia. I'm scared of losing her. People say I'm more like her. While my personality it seems like I'm more like my dad. I love her so much that I'm scared if this change wont last long. I hope not. Ya Allah give me courage.
How could you be so comfortable with someone with another gender? I just can't. Not after one of my boy best friend who i always talk to me keep raging on wanting to be with me desperately. Tbh, all the guys who i wish to be in my life appeared like it was a dejavu. I gave chances to them to talking to me but they lasted falling in love to me. and wow, just another commitment of sin.
Going back to what the title should be, I will be working for the whole december till 1 jan ! Can i really study for my SPM? Oh god just help me *screaming in mind*
This morning I just had a bad morning because waking up someone from sleep isn't the favourite thing on the list for me to do. My mom had her al-Quran reading class and she asked me to have a breakfast outside. So, I had to wake up my sister since I was the one who were awake after Fajr. It wasn't until 9 when she woke up and as always, she's having trouble on searching the pieces that she wanna wear. Excuse us, our room or even this house had always been a mess like a store. I was not a piece of shank trying to search for her when she was late and she planned to wear something that it's simple.
Consequently, it was a trigger to my anger but I was able to lock the gate on my own after my sister slammed the car door and sat there and just staring in furious. Leading with that, my mom dropped me to this unknown restaurants because she was fasting and she told us to stay and eat as much as you want while she be gone to her class. But, hey terrible things happens.
I stayed with my sister. I have the money. There was only two freaking shops that were opened. At first, we already stop at the first shop at the last alley which was rousing with many customers and well at least it got roti canai. Suddenly, my visions was cut down when my sister wanted to go to the other shop with less people and less cheerful. There you go, I have to listen. So, I did follow and I don't know what she sees in that shop when the food are all gone. I force myself to eat a little and as she was arguing with me after my two sentences, I got up and leave for my roti canai. I sat quietly after saying my order, I ate twice now. I bought my lunch and waited.
Gladly, my sister called me with my cellphone saying we have to sit somewhere else where mom will pick us up. Oil station it is. She bought a loaf of bread in addition a chocolate bar of black forest for me. It must a try to cheer me up :) Thankyou sis. It'll help just until afternoon. Come on it's boring to talk about this could we go back why my post about job interview? No.
Is it me that's full of ego? I can't smile as usual. It's priceless of course. But Im physically and mentally tired :( I'm screaming in the inside of how I should be treated by someone. I never get things right. Why was i being like this? Always full of anger? Astaghfirullah. Haven't I try to prove to people that i love them? :(
I have been shutting people out my life. Please do understand. I'm mean. What do you mean? I can't see people effort for me? No. it's the whole thing I'm being like this. I had just live in hostel for a year. I have been crying my head out but I've manage to survive? No. I could not make people so confident of changing me. I can't. I'm just full of evil and hatred, Mistakes. Even if you think i'm smart enough no. I'm lack of everything at once. I don't even know if every of my decision is what I want. I speak without thinking. It's so hard. Harder than being heartbroken for years. I had wish that no one. not even a tiny dim of light to change. and to stay like this. until when? i just dont know. I ain't need an engine to move up. It takes slow steps. Stop forcing me. Leave me alone. It seems like I'm talking to someone. Yes I'm deeply in thought. Just as much as the meaning of the word, never. I could never stop overthinking of what my future will be. Being happy is an option.
People is full of desire of wanting me in their life. Ya Allah I should be grateful :(
But deep inside of this full black spotted heart, I was trying to feel hopeful. I can say that people leave me and they felt regret and they will come back. Boy or girl doesn't matter. I could only pray for them to have a better life. This world is cruel.
I'm worse at time management, am I? I don't think so. It's always I have to wait for people. The whole point is waiting. I was late one minute for the job interview. The sky was crying so much while the land is in thirst of water. Allahuma soiyiban nafi'an. I hate making my mom to blame on. She's getting dementia. I'm scared of losing her. People say I'm more like her. While my personality it seems like I'm more like my dad. I love her so much that I'm scared if this change wont last long. I hope not. Ya Allah give me courage.
How could you be so comfortable with someone with another gender? I just can't. Not after one of my boy best friend who i always talk to me keep raging on wanting to be with me desperately. Tbh, all the guys who i wish to be in my life appeared like it was a dejavu. I gave chances to them to talking to me but they lasted falling in love to me. and wow, just another commitment of sin.
Going back to what the title should be, I will be working for the whole december till 1 jan ! Can i really study for my SPM? Oh god just help me *screaming in mind*
Comments
Post a Comment
Assalamualaikum! ♥ Watcha waiting for? Comment as much as you want! ^o^ Thank you! ♥ Remember no rude words please :)