Whatthefish man !? :o

Asallamualaikum, and hello !

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Ya Allah ! help me through my problems! Ya Allah.

I cant just cry for everything . I just dont know what's my real problem. For real.  Everything is just in a mess right now. Yes My Life. I just cant explain. Cant put it in words.Only God could understand. I dont mean that I dont trust anyone or something. I just dont feel comfortable with the ppl here. Still adjusting.

I'm just gonna try to explain to u dear blog (evn though I know that people gonna read it )  but at least You could hold more words thn speaking to someone who will just .... dont get it.

If I could spread this, I could just do it just like rumors that can reach seconds to people's ears that easily. :')
But Im just tired to repeat it to every ears, that we have been FORCED to came back here. You read that sentence? I repeat .

we have been FORCED to came back here.

By who ? Im not being a bad child or something but it's my dad ><. Before we move here back, me and my mom have been sharing stuff and we too did not agree with his plan AT ALL. i repeat, AT ALL. my sister, my mom and me, the ladies. We just dont. I dont know how many times my mom have been crying(pity her)  :( My dad wanted us to came back here just to get ready because he's work will be ending soon. But what do you except? Learning in an International School full of Chinese >< ? I'll tell you that whn I go home after the first day, there's a black line around my eyes. *Imagining* They are bullies. I dont know if it's right but I just dont like it. I just dont like Chinese. >.< Dont ask why !? I just dont like them . Talking about why i just that government skool because I just want to connect back my friendship with people and also feel the last 5 years I havent feel studying with my own language. >< I just dont have the choice to study where.
If there's a time machine, I would have  get back and stop the time. But no, there's no sucha think call a "time machine". If my dad really thinks that our future will really be bright if we came back here, I think my mom is right. But we all just follow cause his the leader of our family. :( But he cant. understand. what. we. actually. felt.

Y e s . I know you dont get it. But the worst part here is being FORCED. And now I have to accept the fact  that we really are here, in our own house, our own country, and our own land. N I did. Not only me but together with my sister and my big bro. Yea. Now we kinda get comfortable with the skool that's near to our house, my dad still decideing to move m brother away from the skool to a more educated skool ._. I just dont get it. I just dont get why he's doing this to us. I know it's all depend on our future but with unsettled and clear decision, I can only see darkness.  My dad keep on asking us if we we want to study back there. Im like :o I just dont get it >< You send us here, and now you want us to go back? Last time, I chatted with him, and he ask if I want to study back there, and I said even if we go, there'll be one more year only and it's just gonna be the same like what we are right now. Trying to catch up everything but tell you wat. They ask us to relax. -.- Tbh, I can never go a day without thinking about hw, if there's skool. Yupyup. N now we are in skool. S C H O O L. not evn have time to feel the 2 months Summer Holiday. This is seriously a torture ._. I'll tell you I feel like we are still taking exams evn though we just ended exams at YIS ._.

Ugh. Im more focus on social media, then doing catching up works and review stuff. I mean like x{ Tell me why I cant focus ? Do you know that this is too much ? Everything im learning right now, doesnt seems to get stuck in my head. it get's in my right ear, and get out from my left ear later ==' Some helps ? tips ? i mean please ? tsk, tsk.

N now we are in rush. In rush of out ? because our iqama is gonna due soon ! Without em we couldnt visit KSA ! :o so we'll be soon going back :'L which I am still feeling uneasy because everything I have to leave it. All my mom said was to relax. How can you relax whn everything depends on us !? ._.

Ya Allah .
im not satisfied with myself this Ramadhan because I havent been doing things that brings me close to you :'( and I keep on having girls' week --' Im so jealous with Nazi. Im serious. because he gets to do some Islamic stuff (whateveryoushouldcallthem)while im here wasting time ._. yes I am.:| Just dont ask me why . I havent evn going to Tarawih dat much :(( *sadstory and the mosque here is not very close to our house like in KSA :s #Ireallymissgoingtoprayatthatmosque:')

It's like all I think right now that Im such a bad daughter :( My mom said Im not changing >< I've tried my best not to shout in this house which their walls isnt thick enough but if there wasnt a little annoying kid who doesnt provoke me, I'll shut my mouth like most of the time. She's been saying stuff that breaks my heart a little these days :'| Everything I do is wrong. Everything I say is wrong. Everything I think is wrong !

I really really wanna apologize to Nazi :O I just dont know why. My feeling towards him is like ...I cant explain it really well :/ Yes he's mine. But I feel different since he's the same nationality as I am and I've long not being with someone that speaks the same language or just be more extraordinary than ppl that have been in my life or evn care about me SO much :< Im so sorry dat I cant really show him that I really really really care about him. I dont know why he havent been mad at me except that he's always happy and sometime just gets sad ;) Funny :3 He's just too kind </3 Am I really worthed for him ? :<

Yaw~ I gottago. Still rendering my video "The Rumplestilskin" :s InsyaAllah it will be okay :/
and InsyaAllah that's everything wil be fine again.
Pray for my family and I :))