Second Chance
LATE UPDATED this was suppost to be on SEPTEMBER 8/9 :3
awwww.... Eyebag ! Eyebag ! Just poke my eyes already ><
meh meh . I know Im too kind . I Know ! But Im not strong enough to let you go .
Today we met . We had a talk . :/ Ugh . why ? hm . what happen ? .___.
My day begins with waking up with the eyebags still under the eye . Meh . Skip all this part D:
Tenenenenet..
I was excited myself . Wanting to run . Oh Charity run :3 Someone sign up for me . Not only me but all my siblings except my lil bro . And Also that today is where we settle everything . D: Wow ! hm .
The warming up part , I really take it seriously :3 becauz i had a lot of craps . No one cares x{ gehgeh. Hm . Run run run :3 after warming up , we were divided into group . So I was with one of my new friend . running along with my sis 6 km . N I wonder , You were the one who's so excited meeting me so you could 'settle' it . Hm . n I was like hm i know that you wouldnt come . have you ever settled it face to face ? :) I have . have you ? n so I was mad . But i dont care . I ddint come for that think . I wanted to run . n so I am . 6 km with a friend , a sister , n a bottle . i tried not to think about it . But the morning I wake up , I was already thinking ..what will happen ? Is it really gonna happen ? huh ? I was feeling down . I just hopeless . I dont care wats gonna happen .
After running , there . There i just felt im ready for what will happen . Seeing him with my bro im just like >< Why did u came ? I thought u dont care ? I was feeling fine at first but then whn we we met up agn and agn, im like Should i settle this thing or not ? If so How ? and this make me think back . Oh great -,- I dont evn believe it that it Will happen . But there there . After walking around , taking pictures and suddenly meet my bro , I saw him agn . I couldnt see his face, it's just makes me cry . >.< Im sorry.
I saw him . He was walking like a zombie . Pity u . I still care too much ._____. Suddenly suddenly ! Im feeling uncomfortable . N so I call one of my friend who ran with me in the charity run . She went with me . I was changing decision . Confuse ! >.< evn the decision that I've been given 3 days , I cant evn make a decision . Why? Yup that's right . His sentences in twitter . err . N so, at the same time my bro was around there . I was already about 2 meters away from him and I can see the corner of his eyes was looking at me . Im like Im not excited about this . You wanna talk to me so talk -.- I was turning somewhere else becuz I just I wanna see if he remember that he needs to do something . I went round somewhere else and let him be alone and leave his friend . And all happen . Yes he's alone >.< So start .
tbh , I was rude . really , I didnt smile , not smile , I dont care I was having a pale face but at least I can hear what he want to say and just leave ...but something unexpected happen. I cried as soon as I see his face . Nothing is on his face . Like me . But there's something which I can interpret . Something called sadness . From the face I can interpret . Arr ! Yup I cried a lil I turn away but I cant be like this I know . So I turn back there's my rudeness come back . I said using some unproper malay .. but I didnt curse. I was using the ' I and you ' something I nevr use agnst him . Pergh . If I still remember, this is how the conversations goes "Tell me your decision"
*silence*
"I cant change your decision anymore right ? Now tell me it."
I turn n I cried agn . They said , "dont cry . Dont be like this"
"I feels like he's ready for me to leave him .. how could he ..."
"Tell it now . Dont cry . Just say it. it's now or never ."
I put a little guts and ask . "You wanna talk right ? Now talk . I'm giving you chance . Now talk." Staring at the space . "Am I talking to a wall or what!?"
*He said something but I cant hear it . too far*
I cant take it , I turn back . N from there , I start saying all . He wants me to say it right ? Yea Im not scared . I ask why should why stay , how do I leave whn it's hard ? And the whole time we are just going around and around the market -,- He tries to make me smile but I just cant . I dont get it . When it's time to be serious , it IS time to SERIOUS . Whole time Im feeling like crying and all the words that repeats in my mind is that who does he hav left ? He dont get any friends. Owh please I pity him soooo damn much . I do care about you . Please do say something. The words that's stuck in my mind that he said 'I dont have the person, the friend, that someone who can help me change.."
n I was like oh ...
I cant think , and he's not helping to make decision . He's still thinking about himself . and whn then we stop at this bench . yeah . he told me he's decision like .. " I wanna tell you my decision , I cant but I have to . Give me one week to change to change or not ...or not" brrr.. I can see his face thats about to cry . Too sad and too pity and so I just said okay .
The walk was keep going on but both are speechless . When he starts, I gave all the reasons and all the reasons are meaningful but no . I dont think he understand . I just dont.
Later, it's time to go. Because ? He's afraid if my brother will be mad at me and he cant take it if he knows that I was scolded by my bro . I mean like why do you care man ? I know you are afraid of me but then why do you hav to tell everyone that he wanted to tell me everything . Tell him his feeling . but it didnt happen . All I know is that what he said is nothing . Not a satisfaction. but only that sentence that keep me stuck . that sentence of that he needs 'someone to help' him 'change' his life. I know Im too kind . I get it . I admit . I shouldnt be giving him the second chance ! He left skipping through the shop because he knows my brother was coming . =.= Kayfine and that's how he leave......
That night before he leave for his "dance" trip, I know this is what is going to happen . I feel really different , n that second chance will nvr be the same . It's almost like everything and every questions and every reasonable answers I have given to him . I was begging for me to understand , that HE HAS CHANGE ! change in what ? Into the old him . I may not know who exactly he was when I wasnt there . But I can feel it I could feel the bad auras coming . We chatted and that was the last time he ever say I love you but I didnt reply it . He said that's he's gonna miss me any stuff but .. wow ! I know it would be meaningless.
My old friend , the friend who I hav know before became my best friend . She understands me the most . She supports me but I dont know .... I just still care . but I thought is this what you want .. And I think no .. but yes . But then no agn :{
awwww.... Eyebag ! Eyebag ! Just poke my eyes already ><
meh meh . I know Im too kind . I Know ! But Im not strong enough to let you go .
Today we met . We had a talk . :/ Ugh . why ? hm . what happen ? .___.
My day begins with waking up with the eyebags still under the eye . Meh . Skip all this part D:
Tenenenenet..
I was excited myself . Wanting to run . Oh Charity run :3 Someone sign up for me . Not only me but all my siblings except my lil bro . And Also that today is where we settle everything . D: Wow ! hm .
The warming up part , I really take it seriously :3 becauz i had a lot of craps . No one cares x{ gehgeh. Hm . Run run run :3 after warming up , we were divided into group . So I was with one of my new friend . running along with my sis 6 km . N I wonder , You were the one who's so excited meeting me so you could 'settle' it . Hm . n I was like hm i know that you wouldnt come . have you ever settled it face to face ? :) I have . have you ? n so I was mad . But i dont care . I ddint come for that think . I wanted to run . n so I am . 6 km with a friend , a sister , n a bottle . i tried not to think about it . But the morning I wake up , I was already thinking ..what will happen ? Is it really gonna happen ? huh ? I was feeling down . I just hopeless . I dont care wats gonna happen .
After running , there . There i just felt im ready for what will happen . Seeing him with my bro im just like >< Why did u came ? I thought u dont care ? I was feeling fine at first but then whn we we met up agn and agn, im like Should i settle this thing or not ? If so How ? and this make me think back . Oh great -,- I dont evn believe it that it Will happen . But there there . After walking around , taking pictures and suddenly meet my bro , I saw him agn . I couldnt see his face, it's just makes me cry . >.< Im sorry.
I saw him . He was walking like a zombie . Pity u . I still care too much ._____. Suddenly suddenly ! Im feeling uncomfortable . N so I call one of my friend who ran with me in the charity run . She went with me . I was changing decision . Confuse ! >.< evn the decision that I've been given 3 days , I cant evn make a decision . Why? Yup that's right . His sentences in twitter . err . N so, at the same time my bro was around there . I was already about 2 meters away from him and I can see the corner of his eyes was looking at me . Im like Im not excited about this . You wanna talk to me so talk -.- I was turning somewhere else becuz I just I wanna see if he remember that he needs to do something . I went round somewhere else and let him be alone and leave his friend . And all happen . Yes he's alone >.< So start .
tbh , I was rude . really , I didnt smile , not smile , I dont care I was having a pale face but at least I can hear what he want to say and just leave ...but something unexpected happen. I cried as soon as I see his face . Nothing is on his face . Like me . But there's something which I can interpret . Something called sadness . From the face I can interpret . Arr ! Yup I cried a lil I turn away but I cant be like this I know . So I turn back there's my rudeness come back . I said using some unproper malay .. but I didnt curse. I was using the ' I and you ' something I nevr use agnst him . Pergh . If I still remember, this is how the conversations goes "Tell me your decision"
*silence*
"I cant change your decision anymore right ? Now tell me it."
I turn n I cried agn . They said , "dont cry . Dont be like this"
"I feels like he's ready for me to leave him .. how could he ..."
"Tell it now . Dont cry . Just say it. it's now or never ."
I put a little guts and ask . "You wanna talk right ? Now talk . I'm giving you chance . Now talk." Staring at the space . "Am I talking to a wall or what!?"
*He said something but I cant hear it . too far*
I cant take it , I turn back . N from there , I start saying all . He wants me to say it right ? Yea Im not scared . I ask why should why stay , how do I leave whn it's hard ? And the whole time we are just going around and around the market -,- He tries to make me smile but I just cant . I dont get it . When it's time to be serious , it IS time to SERIOUS . Whole time Im feeling like crying and all the words that repeats in my mind is that who does he hav left ? He dont get any friends. Owh please I pity him soooo damn much . I do care about you . Please do say something. The words that's stuck in my mind that he said 'I dont have the person, the friend, that someone who can help me change.."
n I was like oh ...
I cant think , and he's not helping to make decision . He's still thinking about himself . and whn then we stop at this bench . yeah . he told me he's decision like .. " I wanna tell you my decision , I cant but I have to . Give me one week to change to change or not ...or not" brrr.. I can see his face thats about to cry . Too sad and too pity and so I just said okay .
The walk was keep going on but both are speechless . When he starts, I gave all the reasons and all the reasons are meaningful but no . I dont think he understand . I just dont.
Later, it's time to go. Because ? He's afraid if my brother will be mad at me and he cant take it if he knows that I was scolded by my bro . I mean like why do you care man ? I know you are afraid of me but then why do you hav to tell everyone that he wanted to tell me everything . Tell him his feeling . but it didnt happen . All I know is that what he said is nothing . Not a satisfaction. but only that sentence that keep me stuck . that sentence of that he needs 'someone to help' him 'change' his life. I know Im too kind . I get it . I admit . I shouldnt be giving him the second chance ! He left skipping through the shop because he knows my brother was coming . =.= Kayfine and that's how he leave......
That night before he leave for his "dance" trip, I know this is what is going to happen . I feel really different , n that second chance will nvr be the same . It's almost like everything and every questions and every reasonable answers I have given to him . I was begging for me to understand , that HE HAS CHANGE ! change in what ? Into the old him . I may not know who exactly he was when I wasnt there . But I can feel it I could feel the bad auras coming . We chatted and that was the last time he ever say I love you but I didnt reply it . He said that's he's gonna miss me any stuff but .. wow ! I know it would be meaningless.
My old friend , the friend who I hav know before became my best friend . She understands me the most . She supports me but I dont know .... I just still care . but I thought is this what you want .. And I think no .. but yes . But then no agn :{
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